IPCA 2024 - Zulfakar

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As a young man, I was a rebel. Life was all about being carefree and going out on my Vespa bike to have fun with my friends. When my first marriage didn't work out, I lost custody of my toddler daughter and had no place to call home. That was my wake-up call and I decided to settle down and start a new life.

When I got to know my wife, Salimah, she was already wheelchair-bound. She had been diagnosed with transverse myelitis when she was a teenager, a neurological disorder that left her paralysed from the neck down. We met online in 2012 and got married six months later. I was 37 and she was 33. Initially, my family was sceptical about my decision to marry Salimah. Deep down, I knew that caring for her would not be easy but our love for each other proved otherwise. I endeavoured to be the best I can for Salimah and the journey brought purpose and discipline into my life.

A new chapter begun when I moved in with my in-laws. I learned to manage my wife's condition, change her stoma bags and empty her urine catheter. Due to long periods of sitting, Salimah also suffers from pressure sores that sometimes develop into open wounds that require frequent dressing changes.

We have been blessed with two healthy sons, aged nine and four. I spend my mornings getting the children ready for school, after which I will focus my attention on Salimah, helping her to wash up and make her breakfast. Around mid-afternoon, I will do the laundry and other household chores and if I still have the energy, I will do food deliveries to make some money. Otherwise, I will take a rest until it is time to fetch the boys from school. Thereafter, I will cook dinner and help my family members, who may have any other needs, before retiring for the night.

Whenever I have to leave Salimah alone at home, I will make sure that her necessities and medical supplies are within her reach. When she needs to head out, we need to remember to charge the battery of her electric wheelchair. I always try my best to keep track of my family's needs and prepare for them in advance.

My biggest challenge as a caregiver is physical exhaustion. I have felt so tired that I almost blacked out once. Since then, I have learnt to always make time for rest so that I can continue to care for my loved ones. I believe that everyone has their own set of challenges to face, including myself. When things get tough, I remind myself not to give up.

My siblings are still amazed at how much I have changed since Salimah and I got married. Today, I dedicate my time towards caring for the family, taking on my responsibilities as a supportive husband and father. I'm also heartened that my daughter from my first marriage, who turns 21 years old this year, lives with us now. She gets along well with Salimah and helps us with caring for the boys.

I want to take care of Salimah for as long as I can, with the support of my loving family in this new life that I have carved out for myself.


"Zulfakar is a Mr Do-It-All. His devotion, positivity and love for Salimah and his children has inspired our team."

Patrick Lee
Occupational Therapist
Sengkang Community Hospital