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Ever since my brother-in-law got retrenched, he hardly talks to us and stays in his room all day. How can we help him?
Men’s traditional sense of self-worth includes career success and being a good provider, so it’s no surprise that they are affected deeply when they lose their job.
One of the most basic differences between men and women is how they respond to stress. Men often react with a "fight-or-flight" response when confronted by stress. They react with aggressive behaviour such as verbal conflict or they withdraw. Anger, irritability and aggression are common symptoms that are more socially acceptable than fear or crying.
A family member your brother-in-law trusts should try and talk to him – just to let him know he is not alone. He may want to be left alone for a while, but if he continues to show signs of stress, perhaps that person could advise him to seek professional counselling.
He’ll be taught stress management techniques (see below). The doctor may also prescribe medications such mild sedatives and antidepressants to alleviate some symptoms.
dealing with stress
Coping with stress will put us in better physical and emotional health. These are some ways:
1 manage your time
We may feel stressed because we do not manage our time effectively. Some strategies:
• set goals and prioritise them
• learn to delegate some of your tasks
• schedule time for breaks and relaxation
2 learn to relax
A change of routine can be helpful when you are feeling tense and tired. Breaks are important for the body and mind to recharge.
3 avoid negative thinking
What we say to ourselves (self-talk) affects our mood. People who engage in negative thinking tend to be more easily anxious or depressed. Examples are mind-reading ("My boss hates my work") and perfectionist thinking ("I must do it perfectly or I might as well not even try"). Be aware of unhelpful self-talk and learn to counter it.
4 learn to say "no"
It is sometimes difficult to be assertive as we like to be obliging and helpful. Finding ourselves trapped by obligations often results in feelings of anger and helplessness. Learning to say "no" is very important – practise your assertive response in front of a mirror. So is your body language. Stand or sit up tall with your shoulders back and give good eye contact; speak in a calm but firm tone of voice.
5 limit stressful changes
It may not be wise to marry, buy a flat and change jobs all within a year as this will cause overwhelming stress, such as financial strain. Whenever possible, limit the number of life changes within a short period of time. |
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6 live a healthy lifestyle
Eating well-balanced meals and doing regular exercise can help the body cope better with stress, while overeating or consuming excessive quantities of alcohol and smoking lead to increased physical stress.
7 get social support
Try to find people who are good, non-judgmental listeners you are at ease with and trust enough to confide in. It is important to build healthy relationships with family members, friends or community support groups.
how to spot stress
Common physical symptoms
• Aches
• fatigue
• dizziness
• heart palpitations
• shortness of breath
• nausea or upset stomach
• appetite changes
• constipation or diarrhoea
• frequent urination
• changes in sleep or sexual interests, and
• susceptibility to illnesses, like flu.
Common emotional symptoms
• Irritability
• excessive worrying
• feeling helpless and vulnerable
• change in eating habits
• difficulty sleeping
• moodiness, depression or constant negativity
• isolating oneself
• working harder, accomplishing less
increased use of alcohol/medications, and
• worsening of psychiatric conditions.
blame it on stress
Psychosomatic disorders:
• Hypertension
• eczema
• heart disease
• tension headache
• peptic ulcer disease
• irritable bowel syndrome, and
• general ill-health.
Minor Psychiatric Disorders:
• Anxiety
• depressive disorders
• hypochondriasis, and
• disturbed emotional and social life.
 "By virtue of their personality, thinking patterns, life experience and social support, some people can take more stress than others. If you find yourself easily getting into a rage when you are normally rather controlled, this could be a sign that you may need to slow down."
– Dr Angelina Chan, Consultant Psychiatrist Trauma Recovery & Corporate Solutions, Changi General Hospital |